Please
by Murasaki416
Summary: I did not mean to hurt him. But I did... I made another mistake... I always make mistakes... Now he hates me...


**Heyyyyyy… It has been quite while since I have uploaded, and I am sorry for that. Trust that Out of Curiosity is being written, I am just working out the plot and figuring out the characters more so I can write it better and faster. Also, I am writing more stuff, though I cannot post them here because they are not fanfictions but original stuff sooo… maybe if you are interested, I may post them on fictionpress, but who knows.**

**ANnyway, here is a thing I wrote that is the rare fanfiction I write. It is entirely based on/in YuuriVoice's Guzma ASMR videos, particularly the Long Goodbye series. You do not need to listen to them to understand what this is about, but it wouldn't hurt (they're really good)**

**(Also, full disclosure, I have never played a Pokemon game in my life, so of course I have not played the Alola ones and do not know how Guzma is in there. I only know his personality as portrayed by YuuriVoice)**

**I do not own Pokemon or Guzma. All rights go to Nintendo and their respective creators and writers.**

* * *

I stand in front of the door of our room, my body feeling heavy and I want to cry. My heart aches and twists painfully, I fall to my knees and stare at the ground.

_Another mistake._

_You fucked up again._

_You did what you always do._

_You broke his heart._

_You made him run._

_You did this._

_Your fault_

_Your fault_

_Your fault_

I feel so cold and heavy. My heart feels like it's turning to ice; I want to bawl my eyes out, but I can't. I hurt him… I did the opposite of what I wanted. I hurt him and now he hates me… It's my fault… He deserves better… He needs to leave.

_You made him leave his family behind_

_You made him abandon his life_

_You deserve this_

_You deserve to hurt_

_You deserve to be in pain_

_You deserve to die_

_Alone_

_Stupid_

_Worthless_

I clench my teeth and shakily stand up, walking to the door.

No.

I have let everything else come and go as it wished. I let my life do to me as it pleased, but not this time. Not with him. I will not let him leave like this. I won't.

I open the door and walk down the hall to the lobby, getting faster as I get closer to the door outside. I practically charge through the door, the snow and wind whipping past me and stinging my eyes and face. I barely notice I was in nothing but a short sleeve shirt and my pants, but I did not care. I needed to find Guzma. I found tracks going back where we came and I follow them as fast as I can, running barefoot through the snow. It hurt, but I did not care.

I ran faster than I ever have in my life, panting hard, my chest feeling tight as I struggled to breath, but I couldn't stop. I needed to find Guzma. I started to see a figure in the distance, dragging a briefcase behind it. I tried to run faster, it had to be Guzma. I ran to him, tears finally starting to well in my eyes as I got closer. The figure turned around and I slammed into him, knocking us over as I pull him into a hug and I bury my face in his chest.

"I'm sorry!" I shout, panting heavily as I shake from the cold and fatigue. "I'm sorry, Guzma!" I shout again, hot tears stinging my face as I look at him. He looks angry and hurt like he did before he left, but he also looks like he's been crying. "Fuck off me." He says as he pushes me off him and stands up. I was going silent because of how that hurt, but I refused. "Wait!" I say, getting up and running in front of him. "Guzma, I'm sorry! Please just listen to me!" I say trying to stop him. I push him back as frustration boils in me, "Just listen!" I scream, and he finally stops and looks at me, though I can't tell if he's actually listening, but I need to say it…

"I… I was trying to run away…" I say, the words stinging my throat as they left. I wanted to vomit… "I wanted to come to Galar without telling you because I was afraid. You made me feel… good." I say, my tears starting to choke me as memories came back of how he treated me… How he loved me… "You made me feel special. You made me feel like I mattered. You made me feel like if I died tomorrow, you would care!" I admit, looking at him as I shake. He seemed to be paying attention, "Why were you gonna leave me then?" he asked, still angry.

"Because I was scared. You loving me was scary. Feeling important was new. It was amazing. It felt so good to feel like I mattered. But it was terrifying…" I say, looking down and clenching the bottom of my shirt. "I felt fake. Around you… I felt like a different person. A better person. But I felt like I was faking it… I felt like one day you would realise I'm not that great and you would abandon me… I felt like… Like I was lying to you…" I say, starting to feel very tired, but I ignored it and looked back at him.

"I thought if I were to just disappear you would just move on and find someone better… Someone worth your love…" I admit, letting out a sob. "I… I wanted to come to Galar because no one knew me here… I wanted to disappear…" I say, hating myself for being so stupid. "So you did want to end it? Da fuck were you doin' playin' around with me?! Why'd you let me come?!" he shouted, I flinched thinking he would hit me, "I wasn't thinking!" I shout back, sobbing again. "I was not expecting you to confront me about it! I…" I sob, crying more. "I'm a coward… You were right… I did not have the stomach to say it to your face… I just… I did not think it mattered… I thought you might realise what a terrible person I am and you would leave me…" I slightly chuckle as I sob, looking at him again. "And I was right." I say.

"I thought I could handle it. I thought I would be able to let you go, but I can't…" I say, stepping closer, wobbling as my feet were numb, and my legs were starting to feel the same. "I love you too much… I love you, Guzma. I love you more than anything. You make me so happy and you are the best person I have ever met. I have made so many mistakes, but I will not let you be one of them. I could never consider loving you one of them." I say, starting to feel even colder and number. He looks at me, seeming to be thinking and maybe a little conflicted, but I start to lose consciousness and my vision fades…

"I…" I mumble, losing my balance. "I love you…" I say as I finally fall over and lose consciousness.

* * *

**And I end it here because I do not want to make an ending for someone else's story (Will he live or will he die? Only time will tell!) I hope you enjoyed this (even if it is dreadfully short…), and I hope this will help with the wait for Out of Curiosity.**

**I gladly accept and encourage criticism, anything to help me improve my writing for you )**

**(Also, as a side note, I may have said "he" at the end there, but you can imagine Guzma's lover (or ex, we don't know) to be either. Your choice)**


End file.
